I'm so tired of being the nice, calm person who is always easy to get along with. I'm always the one who is polite, smiling, laughing and generally a nice person. I try to be positive and provide words of encouragement when it's needed. With that said, I'm tired of being nice.
I'm thinking about doing an experiment and try out being in b*tch mode for a few days just to see how it feels and how others treat me in return. It seems like women who act like b*tches get more respect. Just how most women don't like a man who is "too nice", I feel like the same thing holds true for men.
The last guy I dated earlier this year told me when we first met he thought I was standoffish but yet he persisted and we ended up dating for several months. Since then, I've made it a point to be nicer and it hasn't done anything for me except for having a string of one date wonders one after another.
I refuse to play any more games and be nice to men who are clearly just wasting my time. My new policy is going to be no more second chances for the 2010.
Thinking back on my past long-term relationships, I was not always so nice and the guys I dated loved it. They'd never admit they loved the fact that I was bossy and required a lot from them. What ever I asked for I got. When I look back on my relationship that lasted 3 years, despite the fact I could be mean to him at times, to him I could do no wrong.
I just ordered Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov. Not that I need another book on relationships, I'm interested to read more about her theory. I may end up trying some of the techniques she mentions in my b*tch experiment. And of course, I'll blog about it.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Moving On
I've been back in the Washington, D.C. area since April 2007. When I was searching for a new condo, I was planning to move to either Northern Virginia (Arlington, Alexandria, Crystal City) and Montgomery County (Bethesda, Silver Spring). Growing up in Prince George's County, I was familiar with the area but knew that I didn't want to move even remotely close to the city where I grew up. It's a nice community, or at least it was, for families but isn't really a place for young, single people.
So after looking for a while, I ended up buying a place in Prince George's County after all. It was cool at first until I realized there is no diversity whatsoever. I've always lived places where there was a mix of people. The closest I came to living around all Brown people was when I lived in NY, but the brown faces consisted of Af-Ams, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, and other Hispanics. Don't get me wrong, I love my people (sometimes :-)) but the area where I live now leaves much to be desired.
The people are rude. I'd see my next door neighbor and she wouldn't speak. Me being the person I am, I like to kill 'em with kindness, so I'd go out of my way to speak, it took months to finally get a half smile from her. Is it really that big of a deal to speak to your next door neighbor? Since then she's moved and the man who owns the condo next to mine has had a string of horrible tenants who seem to be used to living more in Section 8 housing than in a normal condo. They have no respect when it comes to playing their music, even had one who used to play a conga drum at night. They'd fight and yell in the hallway. When someone comes to pick them up, instead of walking to the door they'd honk the horn all times of night. I'd never have peace in my own home. Fortunately, they leave and it's gotten a little better. I've never lived in the projects but I could imagine this was what it would be like.
Every time I go to the trash I end up picking up litter because people drop all types of garbage on the ground and don't even have the decency to pick it up. I'm not used to people not taking ownership of where they live, even if they are renters. When I did live in apartments (with more diverse neighbors), I never saw people who had such a blatant disregard for where they lived. My condo association sends out monthly newsletters but I'm sure the people who are the culprits don't even read them.
They are disrespectful. As I sat in the waiting room of my local NTB, a young couple came in with a little boy who couldn't have been more than 18 months old. The father was talking loud and using every expletive he could think of and half the time he said these things while holding the baby. It got to a point where I got up, shot him a look and sat back down. I'm nobody's Mother but I've learned from the best of them how to give someone a piercing look to make them be quiet.
I don't know if these people just don't care or if it's because no one’s told them what's inappropriate from what's not. The waiting from was full of older people who just sat there and didn't say a word. Any one of them could have asked the guy to watch his mouth but they just sat there oblivious to it all and didn't open their mouths.
Every time I take the Metro, which isn't that often, I dread sitting near any teenagers. Those kids, who 95% of the time are Black, get on and start acting a fool. They curse, use vulgar language and have no consideration for those who are subjected to hearing them. They'll curse in front of someone who could be their Grandmother and don't even care. It makes me sick and I'm tired of it.
Next fall, I'm determined to rent out my place and move. I'm not sure where yet but we'll see. I can't take being in an environment where people have no concern for anyone but themselves. People like that are dangerous. My days in Prince George's County are coming to an end.
So after looking for a while, I ended up buying a place in Prince George's County after all. It was cool at first until I realized there is no diversity whatsoever. I've always lived places where there was a mix of people. The closest I came to living around all Brown people was when I lived in NY, but the brown faces consisted of Af-Ams, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, and other Hispanics. Don't get me wrong, I love my people (sometimes :-)) but the area where I live now leaves much to be desired.
The people are rude. I'd see my next door neighbor and she wouldn't speak. Me being the person I am, I like to kill 'em with kindness, so I'd go out of my way to speak, it took months to finally get a half smile from her. Is it really that big of a deal to speak to your next door neighbor? Since then she's moved and the man who owns the condo next to mine has had a string of horrible tenants who seem to be used to living more in Section 8 housing than in a normal condo. They have no respect when it comes to playing their music, even had one who used to play a conga drum at night. They'd fight and yell in the hallway. When someone comes to pick them up, instead of walking to the door they'd honk the horn all times of night. I'd never have peace in my own home. Fortunately, they leave and it's gotten a little better. I've never lived in the projects but I could imagine this was what it would be like.
Every time I go to the trash I end up picking up litter because people drop all types of garbage on the ground and don't even have the decency to pick it up. I'm not used to people not taking ownership of where they live, even if they are renters. When I did live in apartments (with more diverse neighbors), I never saw people who had such a blatant disregard for where they lived. My condo association sends out monthly newsletters but I'm sure the people who are the culprits don't even read them.
They are disrespectful. As I sat in the waiting room of my local NTB, a young couple came in with a little boy who couldn't have been more than 18 months old. The father was talking loud and using every expletive he could think of and half the time he said these things while holding the baby. It got to a point where I got up, shot him a look and sat back down. I'm nobody's Mother but I've learned from the best of them how to give someone a piercing look to make them be quiet.
I don't know if these people just don't care or if it's because no one’s told them what's inappropriate from what's not. The waiting from was full of older people who just sat there and didn't say a word. Any one of them could have asked the guy to watch his mouth but they just sat there oblivious to it all and didn't open their mouths.
Every time I take the Metro, which isn't that often, I dread sitting near any teenagers. Those kids, who 95% of the time are Black, get on and start acting a fool. They curse, use vulgar language and have no consideration for those who are subjected to hearing them. They'll curse in front of someone who could be their Grandmother and don't even care. It makes me sick and I'm tired of it.
Next fall, I'm determined to rent out my place and move. I'm not sure where yet but we'll see. I can't take being in an environment where people have no concern for anyone but themselves. People like that are dangerous. My days in Prince George's County are coming to an end.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year's Resolutions vs Goals
Maybe it's just me but I never saw the point in setting New Year's resolutions. People come up with the generic resolutions ever year saying things like "I'm going to lose weight" or "I'm going to work harder." Although, I'm a firm believer in having goals, I believe setting goals and making resolutions are two very different concepts.
As a child, my Dad made me sit down and write out my goals both short term and long term and this was never done during New Years. He always emphasized that writing your goals down, not just saying them aloud, trains your thoughts. Let me also say my Dad was a fan of Zig Ziglar in the 80s so he taught me everything he learned from reading books and listening to tapes. Even today I write my goals down, whether it's a daily Things-to-Do Lists or setting long term goals, because it not only serves as a reminder but it makes you more accountable in your actions.
Resolutions are empty thoughts while goals are actual, deliberate statements. A resolution would be "I'm going to exercise more" while a goal would be "I'm going to exercise three times a week, for a minimum of 30 minutes a day." There's a clear difference. Plus goals should always have a time limit or commitment. For instance, a resolution would be "I'm going to get out of debt" while a goal would be "I'm going to pay off my credit card by May 31, 2010."
Goal setting needs to be something that makes sense, it should be deliberate in thought and action. In order to successfully reach your goals, you must have a solid plan which provides a way to execute the goal. With that said, let's stop wasting time with resolutions and spend more time developing goals.
As a child, my Dad made me sit down and write out my goals both short term and long term and this was never done during New Years. He always emphasized that writing your goals down, not just saying them aloud, trains your thoughts. Let me also say my Dad was a fan of Zig Ziglar in the 80s so he taught me everything he learned from reading books and listening to tapes. Even today I write my goals down, whether it's a daily Things-to-Do Lists or setting long term goals, because it not only serves as a reminder but it makes you more accountable in your actions.
Resolutions are empty thoughts while goals are actual, deliberate statements. A resolution would be "I'm going to exercise more" while a goal would be "I'm going to exercise three times a week, for a minimum of 30 minutes a day." There's a clear difference. Plus goals should always have a time limit or commitment. For instance, a resolution would be "I'm going to get out of debt" while a goal would be "I'm going to pay off my credit card by May 31, 2010."
Goal setting needs to be something that makes sense, it should be deliberate in thought and action. In order to successfully reach your goals, you must have a solid plan which provides a way to execute the goal. With that said, let's stop wasting time with resolutions and spend more time developing goals.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Reflections: 2000-2009
Over the last few days, I've been reflecting back on all that has happened in my life and the events that I've witnessed over the past decade. It's still hard to believe it's been 10 years since everyone thought Y2K was coming and was going to be the end all be all for life as we knew it.
In 2001, the world was shocked by the tragic events of 9/11. I can still remember it like yesterday. I was a senior at Florida A&M University sitting in Professor Rasheed's Publication class in the Tech Building like any ordinary Tuesday. One of my classmates, who was from NY, received a text message saying that a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. Since it was a computer class we all pulled the online news website and read the breaking news, this was before streaming live video. I also remember campus being like a ghost town when we left class and trying to call my parents who worked in MD right outside of DC. At this point, I didn't know the Pentagon had been attacked as well which was why my calls wouldn't go through. Later I learned my parents saw the smoke from the Pentagon from their office window. I couldn't even imagine.
In 2002, I graduated from undergrad to a weakened economy. The dot.com bubble had just burst and many of my friends and I graduated without jobs. Moved home to MD for four months then decided I was going to move to Atlanta and try my luck there. By a strange twist of fate, I became friends with a girl at work who wanted to move to Atlanta. So in May 2003, we packed up our belongings and moved to Atlanta with no jobs and very little money in the bank. We just wanted a change and knew the life had to be better elsewhere. (I wouldn't advise anyone to do that now). Within a week of moving I had a job working for Saks Fifth Avenue and 2 months later was accepted to graduate school. I had some great times in Atlanta.
After graduate school, I went into the Executive Training Program with Saks and moved to New York. I never thought I'd ever live in NYC but after continuously hearing from so many older people how they always regretted not moving there when they had the chance I decided to take the leap. In July of 2005, I moved to a building in Spanish Harlem with 3 other girls where we shared one bathroom. Between having a mouse live in my closet to me chasing a would-be mugger who tried to steal my friend's Marc Jacob bag (it was dumb I know but I caused a scene which caused him to be caught by an undercover police officer), I knew NY wasn't the way of life for me.
A year later I was back in Atlanta. After being with Saks for three years, I'd been offered a position in retail management but was eyeing a Special Events Director position that I'd wanted since before starting grad school. When I was passed up for that position I knew it was time for a change. In 2006, I began working with Cingular (which became AT&T) in B2B sales. By February I was transferred to a new territory which brought my back to the DC area. While I enjoyed the money I made in sales, I didn't feel like I was doing what I was meant to be doing and started looking for a position in marketing which was what I went to school.
I ended up landing my first marketing position with a financial services company. The VP of Marketing received her MBA from the same school that I attended, so I was instantly the favorite. Who ever said it's about "Who you know, not what you know" could not be more right. I had no marketing experience outside of an internship in college and volunteering but I got the job and learned everything from writing press releases, to creating media plans, to working with designers on ad campaigns to maintaining a website. A few months in, I realized my manager had it out for me and was purposely doing whatever she could to sabotage my career. Lucky for me the VP always had my back but I couldn't deal with my manager and her insecurities and got to the point where I thought I was just going to quit. Eventually, my friends talked me out of it and I began an intense job hunt because I knew I had to get out of there and quitting without another job lined up with a mortgage and a car note would not be the best decision.
In 2008, I received an offer from one of the largest professional membership organizations in the country and knew I couldn't pass it up. While, I still was not making remotely close to the same salary as those I went to graduate school with or what I was making in sales, but the potential for growth and flexibility could not be beat. It took a while, but I can actually say that I love my job and I love my boss.
As we enter 2010, I'm excited about the future as it relates to my career. I have a feeling this decade is going to be full of change when it comes to personal development and relationships. I'm looking forward to celebrating the big 3-0, meeting my Mr. Right, getting engaged then married, having a couple of kids and living my American Dream.
Here's to the next ten years. Happy New Year!
In 2001, the world was shocked by the tragic events of 9/11. I can still remember it like yesterday. I was a senior at Florida A&M University sitting in Professor Rasheed's Publication class in the Tech Building like any ordinary Tuesday. One of my classmates, who was from NY, received a text message saying that a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. Since it was a computer class we all pulled the online news website and read the breaking news, this was before streaming live video. I also remember campus being like a ghost town when we left class and trying to call my parents who worked in MD right outside of DC. At this point, I didn't know the Pentagon had been attacked as well which was why my calls wouldn't go through. Later I learned my parents saw the smoke from the Pentagon from their office window. I couldn't even imagine.
In 2002, I graduated from undergrad to a weakened economy. The dot.com bubble had just burst and many of my friends and I graduated without jobs. Moved home to MD for four months then decided I was going to move to Atlanta and try my luck there. By a strange twist of fate, I became friends with a girl at work who wanted to move to Atlanta. So in May 2003, we packed up our belongings and moved to Atlanta with no jobs and very little money in the bank. We just wanted a change and knew the life had to be better elsewhere. (I wouldn't advise anyone to do that now). Within a week of moving I had a job working for Saks Fifth Avenue and 2 months later was accepted to graduate school. I had some great times in Atlanta.
After graduate school, I went into the Executive Training Program with Saks and moved to New York. I never thought I'd ever live in NYC but after continuously hearing from so many older people how they always regretted not moving there when they had the chance I decided to take the leap. In July of 2005, I moved to a building in Spanish Harlem with 3 other girls where we shared one bathroom. Between having a mouse live in my closet to me chasing a would-be mugger who tried to steal my friend's Marc Jacob bag (it was dumb I know but I caused a scene which caused him to be caught by an undercover police officer), I knew NY wasn't the way of life for me.
A year later I was back in Atlanta. After being with Saks for three years, I'd been offered a position in retail management but was eyeing a Special Events Director position that I'd wanted since before starting grad school. When I was passed up for that position I knew it was time for a change. In 2006, I began working with Cingular (which became AT&T) in B2B sales. By February I was transferred to a new territory which brought my back to the DC area. While I enjoyed the money I made in sales, I didn't feel like I was doing what I was meant to be doing and started looking for a position in marketing which was what I went to school.
I ended up landing my first marketing position with a financial services company. The VP of Marketing received her MBA from the same school that I attended, so I was instantly the favorite. Who ever said it's about "Who you know, not what you know" could not be more right. I had no marketing experience outside of an internship in college and volunteering but I got the job and learned everything from writing press releases, to creating media plans, to working with designers on ad campaigns to maintaining a website. A few months in, I realized my manager had it out for me and was purposely doing whatever she could to sabotage my career. Lucky for me the VP always had my back but I couldn't deal with my manager and her insecurities and got to the point where I thought I was just going to quit. Eventually, my friends talked me out of it and I began an intense job hunt because I knew I had to get out of there and quitting without another job lined up with a mortgage and a car note would not be the best decision.
In 2008, I received an offer from one of the largest professional membership organizations in the country and knew I couldn't pass it up. While, I still was not making remotely close to the same salary as those I went to graduate school with or what I was making in sales, but the potential for growth and flexibility could not be beat. It took a while, but I can actually say that I love my job and I love my boss.
As we enter 2010, I'm excited about the future as it relates to my career. I have a feeling this decade is going to be full of change when it comes to personal development and relationships. I'm looking forward to celebrating the big 3-0, meeting my Mr. Right, getting engaged then married, having a couple of kids and living my American Dream.
Here's to the next ten years. Happy New Year!
Savvy Tips for 2010
Now that the New Year is here, I wanted to share a few tips on ways I've found to save and make a little money. I'm working on getting my financial house in order and these are some of the ways that have helped me along the way.
Save Money on Cable
I don't pay for Premium Channels. The cable companies typically offer promotions for free HBO/Showtime/Starz for 6 Months or will give you $10 off your month bill, you just have to ask. These offers are often valid for everyone, even existing customers. Just call your provider and ask, "What are your current promotions?" Say it's a 6 month promo, put it in your calendar to call them in exactly 6 months to remove the promotion, before they have a chance to start charging you. At that time, ask again if there are any current specials. There's no limit to how many promotions you can have, you just have to ask.
Save Money on Your Cell Phone Bill
Take advantage of discounts through your job. Most companies have business contracts with the major providers. As part of the contract they typically extend discounted service to personal contracts. You can easily save 10-30% off of your personal phone bill each month. Ask someone in your IT or Procurement department or contact your provider, they will have a listing of which companies offer promotions to their employees.
Look on the Back of Your Receipts
At my local gas station there are always coupons for discounts on snacks and items sold inside of the store. Wendy's and Burger King will give you a free sandwich just for completing a 2 minute phone survey. I take the survey and leave the receipt with the redemption code in the car just in case I'm short on cash. Don't forget about grocery stores. The back of my most recent receipt includes offers for an oil change at NTB for $16.99, $25 off tax preparation fees at Jackson Hewitt, 15% off of dry cleaner service at a local cleaners.
Banking Fees
Some banks charge what is called a "monthly maintenance fee." These fees can range from $7.95 and up, that's $95 of your money gone down the drain each year. Ask your bank about free checking, if they don't offer it switch to another bank that does. Credit Unions are also a good bet. They don't have hidden fees on account and you rarely have to pay ATM fees when you take out money at other banks. Rates on savings products (i.e. CDs, Money Market) are higher and their interest rates on loans and credit cards are much lower. I switched my car loan to my Credit Union last year and it reduced my payment by $200/month.
Beauty Expenses
For the last few years, I've faithfully had a standing appointment with my hairdresser. I recently started skipping one appointment each month, that saves me $55/month which adds up to $660 a year. I know it's a sacrifice but if you can shampoo your own hair once in a while you can use that money towards something else like a mini-vacation. As far as nails are concerned, I get pedicures but I usually do my own manicures. I've been doing my own french manicure for about a year now and I always get compliments, thanks to Sally Hansen's french tip pen. I've had the same pen since the beginning of the year (it cost maybe $6) and do my nails once a week. No one will ever know the difference.
Sell Your Old Phone
If you're like me, you buy a new cell phone every 18-24 months and you have old phones lying around. There are a number of websites that will purchase your old phone (even if it's not fully functional but not water damaged) and will give you cash for it or even donate the money to charity. A website I found is called Flip Swap they will give you a postage-paid label, you send them your old phone(s), and they send you the money for your used phone. It's quick and easy.
eBay
I'm an eBay-a-holic. I will sell anything and everything on eBay. I've sold everything from shoes to a wedding dress to a hotel stay in Cannes, France for the film festival. If you have a talent for sales, offer to sell things for friends and family members for a commission. I also like designer pieces, clothing, handbags and shoes. Some items can only be worn or carried a few times before they're played out so once they've worn out their welcome in my closet, I'll sell them on eBay to make room for new additions.
Hope these have been helpful. Please share any tips you may have to offer.
Save Money on Cable
I don't pay for Premium Channels. The cable companies typically offer promotions for free HBO/Showtime/Starz for 6 Months or will give you $10 off your month bill, you just have to ask. These offers are often valid for everyone, even existing customers. Just call your provider and ask, "What are your current promotions?" Say it's a 6 month promo, put it in your calendar to call them in exactly 6 months to remove the promotion, before they have a chance to start charging you. At that time, ask again if there are any current specials. There's no limit to how many promotions you can have, you just have to ask.
Save Money on Your Cell Phone Bill
Take advantage of discounts through your job. Most companies have business contracts with the major providers. As part of the contract they typically extend discounted service to personal contracts. You can easily save 10-30% off of your personal phone bill each month. Ask someone in your IT or Procurement department or contact your provider, they will have a listing of which companies offer promotions to their employees.
Look on the Back of Your Receipts
At my local gas station there are always coupons for discounts on snacks and items sold inside of the store. Wendy's and Burger King will give you a free sandwich just for completing a 2 minute phone survey. I take the survey and leave the receipt with the redemption code in the car just in case I'm short on cash. Don't forget about grocery stores. The back of my most recent receipt includes offers for an oil change at NTB for $16.99, $25 off tax preparation fees at Jackson Hewitt, 15% off of dry cleaner service at a local cleaners.
Banking Fees
Some banks charge what is called a "monthly maintenance fee." These fees can range from $7.95 and up, that's $95 of your money gone down the drain each year. Ask your bank about free checking, if they don't offer it switch to another bank that does. Credit Unions are also a good bet. They don't have hidden fees on account and you rarely have to pay ATM fees when you take out money at other banks. Rates on savings products (i.e. CDs, Money Market) are higher and their interest rates on loans and credit cards are much lower. I switched my car loan to my Credit Union last year and it reduced my payment by $200/month.
Beauty Expenses
For the last few years, I've faithfully had a standing appointment with my hairdresser. I recently started skipping one appointment each month, that saves me $55/month which adds up to $660 a year. I know it's a sacrifice but if you can shampoo your own hair once in a while you can use that money towards something else like a mini-vacation. As far as nails are concerned, I get pedicures but I usually do my own manicures. I've been doing my own french manicure for about a year now and I always get compliments, thanks to Sally Hansen's french tip pen. I've had the same pen since the beginning of the year (it cost maybe $6) and do my nails once a week. No one will ever know the difference.
Sell Your Old Phone
If you're like me, you buy a new cell phone every 18-24 months and you have old phones lying around. There are a number of websites that will purchase your old phone (even if it's not fully functional but not water damaged) and will give you cash for it or even donate the money to charity. A website I found is called Flip Swap they will give you a postage-paid label, you send them your old phone(s), and they send you the money for your used phone. It's quick and easy.
eBay
I'm an eBay-a-holic. I will sell anything and everything on eBay. I've sold everything from shoes to a wedding dress to a hotel stay in Cannes, France for the film festival. If you have a talent for sales, offer to sell things for friends and family members for a commission. I also like designer pieces, clothing, handbags and shoes. Some items can only be worn or carried a few times before they're played out so once they've worn out their welcome in my closet, I'll sell them on eBay to make room for new additions.
Hope these have been helpful. Please share any tips you may have to offer.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Giving Back: Mentoring
I've mentioned in previous posts that I am a mentor with an organization based in Washington, D.C. called College Bound. College Bound is a program for students in the 8-12th grades, who attend public school in the District and prepares them on their journey to college.
The program is structured in a way that the partners (mentors) meet with their students (mentees) once a week at four sites around DC for 2 hours per week. Most of the time is spent assisting students with their homework and various projects for schools. Those partners who have older students typically help them prepare for college entrance exams and work on admissions essays. In addition to tutoring, it is encouraged that partners forge a bond with our students and do things with them outside of the weekly site visit.
This is my second year volunteering with the program and it's been a rewarding experience. My mentee is in the 8th grade and she's been quite a challenge to work with. When I met her she was failing English. She still has a long way to go but I've learned to be supportive in trying to help her with what she's not being taught in school. It amazes me that she's 13 and does not know the basics concepts of grammar or how to spell simple words that my 6 year old nephew knows. The problem stems from no one correcting her, so she simply did not know. There are so many problems with the DC public school system that I'm not going to go into right now, but all these kids need is someone to show them a little support and guidance.
With that said, College Bound is always looking for new Partners to make a difference in the lives of these children. I always find it interesting that less than half of the Partners are Black, while I'd say 98% of the students are Black or Hispanic. Not that there is anything wrong with having mentors of other races but it's extremely important for our children to be able to see someone who looks like them, who have gone to college, who have careers and can tell them first hand about their experiences and how they made it to where they are in life.
If you live in the DMV and are interested in becoming a mentor, please visit College Bound's website to get involved. They are in dire need of mentors as there is a waiting list for students because of the shortage of mentors.
I hope everyone who reads this post set a goal for the New Year to become a mentor in 2010. It's a rewarding experience and it only requires a couple hours of your time each week. There are kids out there who just need a little guidance from you to help them become a better person.
The program is structured in a way that the partners (mentors) meet with their students (mentees) once a week at four sites around DC for 2 hours per week. Most of the time is spent assisting students with their homework and various projects for schools. Those partners who have older students typically help them prepare for college entrance exams and work on admissions essays. In addition to tutoring, it is encouraged that partners forge a bond with our students and do things with them outside of the weekly site visit.
This is my second year volunteering with the program and it's been a rewarding experience. My mentee is in the 8th grade and she's been quite a challenge to work with. When I met her she was failing English. She still has a long way to go but I've learned to be supportive in trying to help her with what she's not being taught in school. It amazes me that she's 13 and does not know the basics concepts of grammar or how to spell simple words that my 6 year old nephew knows. The problem stems from no one correcting her, so she simply did not know. There are so many problems with the DC public school system that I'm not going to go into right now, but all these kids need is someone to show them a little support and guidance.
With that said, College Bound is always looking for new Partners to make a difference in the lives of these children. I always find it interesting that less than half of the Partners are Black, while I'd say 98% of the students are Black or Hispanic. Not that there is anything wrong with having mentors of other races but it's extremely important for our children to be able to see someone who looks like them, who have gone to college, who have careers and can tell them first hand about their experiences and how they made it to where they are in life.
If you live in the DMV and are interested in becoming a mentor, please visit College Bound's website to get involved. They are in dire need of mentors as there is a waiting list for students because of the shortage of mentors.
I hope everyone who reads this post set a goal for the New Year to become a mentor in 2010. It's a rewarding experience and it only requires a couple hours of your time each week. There are kids out there who just need a little guidance from you to help them become a better person.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Settling Down Without Settling
I came across the below ABC news story via The Average Bro's blog. He posted the video and asked his readers what they thought of it. I've included my response to him and another commenter below as well as additional commentary.
I can so relate to this video. As a single woman, this is a daily topic of conversation that comes up amongst my friends. It's not complaining at all, it's stating reality. We're all beautiful, successful, have careers and we all hope to settle down without settling.
I don't believe the video makes Black women look "thirsty" at all, if anything it further proves that there really is a shortage of Black men, 1.8M to be exact. Although most Black women aspire to have "black love", we must accept the fact that may not be a possibility for all of us. We must remove our blinders and explore our options.
I've been telling my friends that my motto for the New Year is going to be "Something New for 2010." Something New referring to the movie with Sanaa Lathan when she falls in love with a White man. For some reason, Black women haven't been as open to dating outside of our race as much as Black men who have been doing it for decades.
As a young woman, I grew up wanting to experience "Black Love" which included marrying a Black man and having Black children. Those of us who grew up with two parents saw this first hand and it's been engrained in us that this is how it's supposed to be. But with statistics like the one that says 42% of Black women have never been married staring us in the face we need to rethink what love really looks like.
This is a new day and age and we should focus more on finding a man who knows how to treat us, is supportive of our goals, and who genuinely can make us happy. It's clear to me that race needs to be taken out of the equation.
Lately, I've been hearing so many stories of Black women who've found love with White men. Why shouldn't we be happy? Why should there be a stigma of dating outside of our race? I don't agree with the statement that Black women have too high of standards, of course there are exceptions, but I believe most of my friends just want a good man and we don't want to worry being a bench warmer on anyone's team.
2010 is going to be the year of exploring all possible options when it comes to relationships. Next time I'm out and meet a man of another race, I'm not going to shy away from seeing if there's potential. While the idea of having black love is what I've always aspired to have, I'm open to finding love even if it's in a different color.
I can so relate to this video. As a single woman, this is a daily topic of conversation that comes up amongst my friends. It's not complaining at all, it's stating reality. We're all beautiful, successful, have careers and we all hope to settle down without settling.
I don't believe the video makes Black women look "thirsty" at all, if anything it further proves that there really is a shortage of Black men, 1.8M to be exact. Although most Black women aspire to have "black love", we must accept the fact that may not be a possibility for all of us. We must remove our blinders and explore our options.
I've been telling my friends that my motto for the New Year is going to be "Something New for 2010." Something New referring to the movie with Sanaa Lathan when she falls in love with a White man. For some reason, Black women haven't been as open to dating outside of our race as much as Black men who have been doing it for decades.
As a young woman, I grew up wanting to experience "Black Love" which included marrying a Black man and having Black children. Those of us who grew up with two parents saw this first hand and it's been engrained in us that this is how it's supposed to be. But with statistics like the one that says 42% of Black women have never been married staring us in the face we need to rethink what love really looks like.
This is a new day and age and we should focus more on finding a man who knows how to treat us, is supportive of our goals, and who genuinely can make us happy. It's clear to me that race needs to be taken out of the equation.
Lately, I've been hearing so many stories of Black women who've found love with White men. Why shouldn't we be happy? Why should there be a stigma of dating outside of our race? I don't agree with the statement that Black women have too high of standards, of course there are exceptions, but I believe most of my friends just want a good man and we don't want to worry being a bench warmer on anyone's team.
2010 is going to be the year of exploring all possible options when it comes to relationships. Next time I'm out and meet a man of another race, I'm not going to shy away from seeing if there's potential. While the idea of having black love is what I've always aspired to have, I'm open to finding love even if it's in a different color.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Same Man, Different Name
Recently, I noticed there seems to be a pattern in the men I date. Whether it was something casual or something long term they all have certain similarities. This leads me to believe I attract the same man over and over again.
They are always pretty attractive, clean cut men with professional jobs. They tend to have one or more degrees. They drive either a Nissan (usually an Ultima) or a Honda (usually an Accord), strange I know but true. Their parents are still happily married and have been so for 30+ years. They have an older sister. They've never been married nor have any kids. They believe in chivalry and know how to treat a lady like a lady. They always seem so on top of things both personally and professionally. They sound like great men right, but they all seem to have commitment issues.
Fortunately, I've never dated anyone abusive, controlling or obsessive. I have met a few with stalker tendencies but I cut those off immediately. I just seem to date the ones who seem to be too good to be true and after investing time they show their true colors.
Things always start off great then one day out of the blue he realizes it's too much for him and decides he needs "to get his life together." I always use that term because I can still remember when my college boyfriend said that our senior year after dating for 2 years. Since then I've heard it phrased in a number of ways, but the meaning is always the same.
While I have broken off a few relationships, usually it's the man who decides he needs time or his space. Anyone have any advice of what I can do to attract a different type of man because this is getting old. I'm tired of meeting what seems to be my ideal man over and over again to only be let down in the end.
They are always pretty attractive, clean cut men with professional jobs. They tend to have one or more degrees. They drive either a Nissan (usually an Ultima) or a Honda (usually an Accord), strange I know but true. Their parents are still happily married and have been so for 30+ years. They have an older sister. They've never been married nor have any kids. They believe in chivalry and know how to treat a lady like a lady. They always seem so on top of things both personally and professionally. They sound like great men right, but they all seem to have commitment issues.
Fortunately, I've never dated anyone abusive, controlling or obsessive. I have met a few with stalker tendencies but I cut those off immediately. I just seem to date the ones who seem to be too good to be true and after investing time they show their true colors.
Things always start off great then one day out of the blue he realizes it's too much for him and decides he needs "to get his life together." I always use that term because I can still remember when my college boyfriend said that our senior year after dating for 2 years. Since then I've heard it phrased in a number of ways, but the meaning is always the same.
While I have broken off a few relationships, usually it's the man who decides he needs time or his space. Anyone have any advice of what I can do to attract a different type of man because this is getting old. I'm tired of meeting what seems to be my ideal man over and over again to only be let down in the end.
Friday, December 25, 2009
What Do The Lonely Do...
This is the first time in over 10 years that I'm not seriously dating someone or in a relationship during Christmas. I guess in a way I'm happy that I didn't have to buy a bunch of presents for a significant other because I'm on a budget. I tend to over spend on gifts because I enjoy buying thoughtful presents for people, that I know they'll enjoy and usually don't care about the cost. Too bad, I rarely get the same in return.
Although I'm spending Christmas with my blended family this year, I still the feel the loneliness of not having a significant other during the holidays. I guess it's because I'm so used to being in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, being single does have its advantages, but I don't think I'm cut out for the dating world for an extended period of time. I'm kind of over it.
Sure, I'm thankful for having family, but there's only so much family can provide for you. They give you unconditional love but sometimes you need a little more. The worst thing about being single has to be going through the holidays alone. Don't really like this feeling but I know 2010 can only get better.
Although I'm spending Christmas with my blended family this year, I still the feel the loneliness of not having a significant other during the holidays. I guess it's because I'm so used to being in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, being single does have its advantages, but I don't think I'm cut out for the dating world for an extended period of time. I'm kind of over it.
Sure, I'm thankful for having family, but there's only so much family can provide for you. They give you unconditional love but sometimes you need a little more. The worst thing about being single has to be going through the holidays alone. Don't really like this feeling but I know 2010 can only get better.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Different From My Usual
A few weeks ago I went to a Christmas party, did some networking and met a few young men. The last one I met that evening was so not my type. His approach was all wrong and he was not smooth like most of the guys I typically date. Usually I would've just brushed someone like him off but I figured what the heck I've been saying I'm looking for a Plain James. I vowed to be more open to dating guys different from my usual because my usual hasn't worked out thus far.
We ended up meeting at Lucky Strike after work. It was nice that he was already there. I'm a punctual person and can't stand lateness. I noticed he was wearing a sweater with jeans, pretty basic, but his style was definitely different from my usual. I tend to like guys who invest a lot in their appearance. He's clearly not one who spends a lot of money on clothing which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
The evening was cool we had a great conversation and learned we have some things in common like we went to HBCUs, have our MBAs, and love to travel abroad. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies but what we wanted to see wasn't playing soon enough and I didn't want to get caught out in the impending snowstorm. He ended up walking me to my car in the parking garage. But before we went outside he put on this leather jacket that he'd been carrying. I swear he had to have had the jacket for at least 10 years, it was so outdated. It wasn't quite from the Members Only era but it definitely looked like something from the mid 90s. Me being who I am, I made a comment about it on the sly. I just suggested he get a wool coat because it would be warmer.
Although he's not my usual when it comes to looks and general appearance, he has potential. Judging a person by his clothing and looks is shallow, if Michelle had done that she would never have ended up with Barack Obama. Another added bonus, he's from the South and just moved to DC a few months ago to work for a large consulting firm, so he hasn't been tainted to the ways of the men here. He's planning another date for the week after Christmas, we'll see how it goes.
We ended up meeting at Lucky Strike after work. It was nice that he was already there. I'm a punctual person and can't stand lateness. I noticed he was wearing a sweater with jeans, pretty basic, but his style was definitely different from my usual. I tend to like guys who invest a lot in their appearance. He's clearly not one who spends a lot of money on clothing which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
The evening was cool we had a great conversation and learned we have some things in common like we went to HBCUs, have our MBAs, and love to travel abroad. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies but what we wanted to see wasn't playing soon enough and I didn't want to get caught out in the impending snowstorm. He ended up walking me to my car in the parking garage. But before we went outside he put on this leather jacket that he'd been carrying. I swear he had to have had the jacket for at least 10 years, it was so outdated. It wasn't quite from the Members Only era but it definitely looked like something from the mid 90s. Me being who I am, I made a comment about it on the sly. I just suggested he get a wool coat because it would be warmer.
Although he's not my usual when it comes to looks and general appearance, he has potential. Judging a person by his clothing and looks is shallow, if Michelle had done that she would never have ended up with Barack Obama. Another added bonus, he's from the South and just moved to DC a few months ago to work for a large consulting firm, so he hasn't been tainted to the ways of the men here. He's planning another date for the week after Christmas, we'll see how it goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
